It seems like parents have gone a bit overboard in the last few decades, treating the birth certificate like a social experiment or a punchline. Get ready to cringe as we dive into the world of naming and see which parents (or maybe babies) need a little help!
Slide 1
This looks like a perfectly fine name that got autocorrected by a very confused phone operating system.
Slide 2
Naming your child after your favorite tech company is a questionable financial commitment to the brand, right?
Slide 3
Unless you plan to raise a horse breeder, this sounds less like a person and more like a horse trail sign.
Slide 4
When the parents couldn’t agree on a name, they truly took the suggestion “Anything will do” a bit too literally.
Slide 5
This name is a guaranteed conversation starter in kindergarten, mostly by confused teachers calling roll.
Slide 6
This name should come with a warning label for parents and maybe even a court-appointed explanation. It is just a big ???
Slide 7
Maybe we should save the liquor cabinet names just for pets?
Slide 8
It could be just a classic name, but with the word “breath” it gives this child a very unfortunate and lifelong burden.
Slide 9
This name sounds like a pharmacy brand for a minor but annoying ailment, right?
Slide 10
She’s already worth it, but does she really need to sound like a hair color endorsement for the rest of her life?
Slide 11
Naming your child after a toy company suggests their main ambition is to become an overpriced collectible doll.
Slide 12
We’re not sure if the parents loved panthers or just kept typing the letter ‘s’ instead of ‘y.’
Slide 13
This sounds more like a parental warning to their child to stop being rude at dinner than it does like a name.
Slide 14
Poor kid, get ready to hear “And what about today?” over and over again.
Slide 15
This sounds like a brand of highly potent cough syrup or a fantasy novel villain with questionable morals. Which one would you go with?
Slide 16
Fingers crossed this kid doesn’t end up working in cleaning products!
Slide 17
Directly translating to “death” or “devil” in some languages, this is a clear and terrible statement from the parents.
Slide 18
This name will make every future job interview uncomfortable and every boardroom meeting highly ironic.
Slide 19
Weapon or camera brand? We just hope this kid doesn’t end up as a war photographer…
Slide 20
It seems like a name suggests a lifetime dedication to denim overalls and a deep distrust of anything with a foreign flag.
Slide 21
This child is either destined for the Olympics or for a lifetime of low-stakes community college trophies.
Slide 22
This poor guy is going to have to spend his whole life explaining his name to confused passport officials.
Slide 23
This is a great name for a truck, a pet bulldog, or an inexpensive cologne, but a terrible name for a child.
Slide 24
Naming a child after a deadly disease is perhaps the worst public relations decision a parent can make.
Slide 25
This name might work for historical epic movies, so let’s leave it at that, right?
Slide 26
This name gives the child a permanent air of authority, but also the expectation to constantly check the plumbing.
Slide 27
If your name is King, your life is an automatic disappointment if you don’t actually inherit a crown and kingdom.
Slide 28
This child is set up for a lifetime of comparison to Michael Jordan, or simply a mediocre career in insurance sales.
Slide 29
The poor kid’s got a therapy session lined up right when they’re born.
