Breaking up is never easy. Most people expect some version of "it's not you, it's me" or "we've grown apart." But every once in a while, someone comes up with an excuse so bizarre, so confusing, or so painfully unconvincing that you can't help but laugh about it later. Inspired by stories shared online, these are some of the strangest, weakest, and most unforgettable breakup excuses people have ever heard. Looking back, many of them were less about ending a relationship and more about avoiding an honest conversation.
1. You're pregnant
"You're pregnant and frankly, it's not attractive at all".
2. "I don't want to be with anyone right now"
"I've had the classic "I don't want to be with anyone right now" before actually dating someone, not a week later, I love that. But the best one of all was: "You'll never amount to anything in your life" from a b*m with no grades, while I was in the process of applying to college."
3. "Now I have feelings for my cousin"
"Now I have feelings for my cousin. Im sorry."
4. "her hair was "too thin.""
"My friend's boyfriend of a year dumped her because he said her hair was "too thin." Yes, it's thinner and normal, but you can't tell at all."
5. "You don't go to church"
"You don't go to church, and my kids are going to church!". "I had just graduated from high school, and we hadn't even been dating for a week. Then he started following me when I was in my twenties."
6. “You’re spending too much time with your sister”
“You’re spending too much time with your sister.” My sister was in the hospital, in a medically induced coma after a car accident. Three days later, he came out with “I was wrong” and I said “yes, you were wrong.”
7. "she was too sad"
"A girl dumped me because she was too sad after her lifelong dog died."
8. AI finished me off
"I was dumped yesterday via text message, clearly written using ChatGPT, ending with "This keeps things warm while getting to the point faster."
9. Nietzsche's quote
"My sister's ex quoted Nietzsche. He told her that's why Nietzsche said people should always strive to improve, and to do that, you need to be dissatisfied with parts of yourself and your life. Her ex told her that since he was so happy with her, he needed to end the relationship so he could be unhappy and improve himself.
10. Pregnancy marks
“I can’t get over the stretch marks on your stomach from when you had kids.” That was pretty destructive to my confidence for a while.
11. Work and problems
"He got me a job at his workplace, but then he broke up with me because he couldn't be with someone he worked with… later I found out it was because he had literally slept with everyone at work."
12. Bisexuality
"That she was more attracted to women, yes, I knew she was bi and that we were together for about two and a half years, but I'm certain she was cheating on me with some of her female friends; one of them even told me herself. And when I confronted her, she came up with that excuse, without admitting to the cheating, trying to make me believe I was making things up, basically trying to gaslight me by saying I was imagining it".
13. The usual with men
“Our backgrounds are incompatible.” And then, four months later, he said, “Oh, I’m still in love with you. Will you marry me?” I said, “I’m still the girl who was born in a factory town in North Carolina, and you’re still the one who was born in Beverly Hills, you idiot.” I married him reluctantly, and I’m glad I did for the experience, but hey! Who would have thought? He was right!
14. I don't want caresses, please
"It was after our second date. She was uncomfortable with the amount of physical affection. The affection included holding hands, sitting on the sofa with my feet tucked under her legs, and a quick hug at the beginning and end of the date."
15. Marriage, NOW
"I rejected his proposal to get married next week. We hadn't even talked about marriage."
16. Gosthed
"He ghosted me and got engaged 2 weeks later… it was really fun."
17. With principles
"I need someone who leads and someone with principles. Besides, she wasn't willing to stay with me after I started over following my divorce. No kids, no debts. Just a new beginning in a new place.I guess you can't teach loyalty."
18. Family things
"We had the same last name, so we were family and there was inc*st between us."
19. A matter of height
"She said I was too tall. She said she likes tall guys, from 6 feet to 6 feet 2 inches, and that I, who am 6 feet 4 inches, was too tall."
20. Too many questions
"I thought communication was healthy. Apparently I had turned it into a personality flaw."
